Tag Archives: bad days

Indiana Jones and Family

[This post may contain spoilers, but really, if you haven't seen Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, shame on you!  Add it to your Netflix queue this instant!]

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is one of my all-time favorite movies.  I was 10 or 11 when I first saw it and I was blown away by Indy’s swashbuckling and his dad’s wisecracks.  It’s got everything: adventure, betrayal, humor, and a nice moral to boot.

But I’m not going to talk about my schoolgirl crushes on Harrison Ford or Sean Connery.  Nor am I going to talk about the lesson at the end of the movie – if you’re looking for Christ’s cup, it’s probably not the gaudiest cup in the room – or the theological implications thereof.

When I watched this movie for the umpteenth time last weekend, the moment that resonated with me was a much smaller moment. Indiana and his father, Henry, are on a zeppelin heading out of Germany having a quiet chat.  Indy points out that they haven’t done this since was a child.

Henry replies that he was “a wonderful father” because he never nagged Indiana the way all the other fathers nagged their sons. He crows,  “I respected your privacy and I taught you self-reliance!”

Indiana snorts, “What you taught me is that I was less important to you than people that have been dead for five hundred years and in other countries, and I learned it so well that we’ve hardly spoken for 20 years.”

For the first time, I saw a parallel between this scene and my own life.  I don’t like what I saw.

I’ve mentioned my sister before, who is mentally ill and lives in a group home.  We were friends when we were young.  We played together.  We gossiped.  We fought.  We were sisters.

When she became ill, roughly half my lifetime ago, that changed.  The sister I loved disappeared, never to return.  She withdrew.  She barely spoke, and when she did it seemed that she was responding more to the noise in her head than to the rest of us. She didn’t bathe.  She became a bit of a hoarder.  Before I left for college, I went through her room while she was out and recovered at least one garbage bag’s worth of my stuff.*

I’d like to say that this whole experience made me a better person, that I joined NAMI and advocated for my sister and people like her, that I devoted my life to assisting people in her condition, that I became an active and passionate assistant in her care.  I’d like to say all that.  Unfortunately, I need to tell the truth.

The truth is that I screwed up.  I paid little attention to her at school.  I told almost no one what was really going on at home.  I went to college in a different state and seldom spoke of my past.  I called home regularly and I always talked to Mom and Dad, but never to my sister.  When I  visited home, I’d have long discussions with my parents but say little to my sister.  I told myself that that’s what she preferred, that if she wanted to talk to me, she’d do so.

I’ve worked at the same place for three years now.  Most of my colleagues don’t even know that I have a sister.

My sister has improved after moving into a group home several years ago.  I’ve made a few attempts to resuscitate our relationship.  We’re friends on Facebook (yes, I reactivated it).  I’ve sent cards and letters but never get a response.   Does she think it’s too little, too late?   Does she simply not know what to say?

Back to Last Crusade.  Shortly after the scene I described above, the tank Indiana’s riding on goes over a cliff.  Henry is distraught, thinking that his son is gone and so many things have been left unsaid.  “Five minutes would have been enough.”

But Indiana has managed to escape and pulls himself up onto the cliff  unnoticed. He comes to stand beside Henry, who’s overjoyed to see his son and gives him an enthusiastic hug.  The Jones boys have father-son bonding after all, and at the end of the movie there’s hope for their relationship.

Somehow, I doubt my life will be like the movie.

*Yes, I realize what that says about me.

My Responses to “Why Don’t You Have Kids?”

It seems like people are always asking me why I don’t have kids or when I’m having kids. Parents who may be reading this, take note: Every adult who does not have children, whether by choice or not, is sick of answering these questions.  Really sick of it.  Beyond sick of it.  If being sick of these questions were an actual sickness, half the childless adults in America would be in intensive care.  Parents, as much as you hate being asked if these kids are all yours, we hate “why don’t you have kids” more.  So parents, I’ll make you a deal:  I won’t make rude comments about the size of your family if you don’t ask rude questions about the size of mine.

I can’t stress this enough: stop asking these questions.  You may think you’re being funny or cute, but you are hurting people more than you can possibly imagine.

Anyway, on to the responses.  As tempted as some of you may be to burst into tears (I know I am sometimes), remember that’s only going to ruin your makeup, and the dolt responsible will probably have no idea what you’re so upset about.  Instead, try one of these:

1. “We’re waiting for a good sale.”  What, you mean that’s not what they sell at Babies R Us?

2. “It’s illegal to raise goats in the city limits.” Useful for both the when and why questions.  Or you could be like Donna at What if God Says No and raise some actual goats.  :)

3. “The cats wouldn’t tolerate any creature who’s cuter than they are.” Enough said.

4. “Well, we prayed for children for years… then one day it hit us: that’s not where they come from!”  It helps if you say that last part with a really bewildered expression on your face.

5. “Because God said so.”

6.  Let’s not forget the other question we all hate: “But don’t you want kids?”  I usually respond to this one with something that would be awesome but is probably never going to happen, such as “Don’t you want to win the lottery?”  Whatever you do, resist the urge to ask that person if they want a new brain or some manners.

7. If you have the ability to do so, consider sponsoring a child in a developing country.  (I highly recommend the Christian Foundation for Children and Aging.) They’ll send you a picture of your sponsored kid, which you can keep on your desk at work or wherever the annoying askers are and you can hold it up and say, “This is my child.”  My sponsored kids are all different ethnicities than I am, and when I use this tactic the expressions on people’s faces are priceless.  :)

If you’ve tried all of the above and they still won’t leave you alone, just tell them the truth.

8. “I don’t have kids, I’m never going to have kids and it’s none of your business.  The subject is closed.”  Then walk away, and feel free to cry, scream, or punch a hole in the wall when you get home.

If you have another good zinger, feel free to add it in the comments!

PMS and Grace

Well, it’s been an interesting weekend.  Saturday night, DH and I were headed to a party and inspired by Old Hollywood, on Saturday morning I decided to try pin curls in my hair for the first time. After running my errands, I exercised, showered, then pinned up my hair.  One hour before the party, I unpinned my hair.

What I got was Old Hollywood, all right, but it was definitely more Harpo Marx than Veronica Lake.  I frantically tried to salvage it – tried combing it with a few different combs, tried pinning back some of the more unruly pieces with bobby pins.  DH, ever helpful, gently pointed out that I still resembled Rowlf the Dog.

At that point, I angrily hauled out my flatiron and smoothed out the misbegotten curls as best I could, all the while throwing a hissy fit about how my hair is never going to look good.  I got over my little meltdown before the party and we all had a good time, but it was not a fun start to the evening.

Then Sunday morning I went to Mass, and to my chagrin, I got stuck with the family Mass.  (I live in a college town and Mass schedules change when the university isn’t in session.)  It seemed that every toddler in town was there and determined to make noise and the 12-year-old kid next to me wouldn’t stop fidgeting and flapping her hands. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and I became convinced that it was all part of a government conspiracy against me.

During the Liturgy of the Eucharist, I prayed for patience.  I was tired, I was annoyed with everyone and everything and angry at myself for being annoyed and I wanted just a little bit of grace before my raging hormones caused me to wreck the rest of the weekend.

“Ask and you shall receive.” – Matthew 7:7

A few minutes later I remembered a book I read about a year ago: Boy Alone by Karl Taro Greenfield, a memoir of growing up with an autistic brother.  Something about the hand-flapping kid next to me reminded me of Greenfield’s descriptions of his brother’s behavior, and a light went on in my head: of course, she’s autistic.  And suddenly, it became a lot easier to be patient with her.  I received Communion today and felt like I’d been given a month’s worth of grace.

Sometimes, God gives us so much more than we ask for.