Chopped Liver

“Her husband Elkanah used to ask her: ‘Hannah, why do you weep, and why do you refuse to eat? Why do you grieve? Am I not more to you than ten sons?’” 1 Samuel 1:8

I’m sure most of the childless women reading this (myself included) got a little annoyed with Elkanah when we read that.  Hannah is one of Elkanah’s two wives, the other of whom is a real Fertile Myrtle and has bullied the infertile Hannah for years.  Hannah is, understandably, at her wit’s end, and Elkanah just. Doesn’t. Get It!

And then I read this verse last Monday (I try to read the Mass readings every day, even if I can’t go to daily Mass) and it hit me: yes, Elkanah doesn’t get Hannah. At the same time, Hannah doesn’t get Elkanah.  He loves her, kids or no kids; doesn’t that mean anything?  Shouldn’t she be glad to have love in her life?

My DH could probably relate to Elkanah.  ”So what if we don’t have any kids?  We’re still a family.  What am I, chopped liver?”

I grudgingly admit that Elkanah and my DH have a point.  Right now, it seems like all the women I know are either having babies or getting divorced.  As sad as I am that I’m not doing the former, I am grateful beyond words that I am not doing the latter!  A loving, stable marriage should be more important than ten children; for one thing, it would probably be easier to have and raise ten children in the context of a loving, stable marriage.  For another, whether a couple has one child or ten, eventually they’ll all grow up and move out, leaving husband and wife alone again.  Too many couples reach the empty nest stage and realize that the only thing they had in common was their children, and with the children gone, they have no reason to stay together.  You know what that is?  Sad.

Today, as every day, I try to put DH first.  I pray that all of you do the same.  A marriage is a foundation for life; let’s keep our foundations from turning to sand.

Love

“If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” – 1 John 4:20

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.” – Mother Teresa

These quotes embody the part of being a good Catholic that I struggle most with.  Sure, I love my neighbor!  I give to charity both locally and globally.  And I’m nice to the people I work with and the people in my neighborhood.

Unless, of course, I have a reason to hold a grudge against them. If grudge-holding were an Olympic sport, I’d have every gold medal and set every world record!  I’d be on the covers of Sports Illustrated and Time Magazine for my incredible grudge-holding skill. I am the Michael Phelps of grudge-holding.

And that’s not healthy.

From a secular perspective, holding a grudge and staying angry increases your blood pressure and raises your stress level. Over time, this can cause heart disease.  It can also make you extremely unpleasant to deal with, even for the people you don’t have a grudge against.  Perhaps especially for them, since they’re the ones who have to listen to you complain all the time.  (Sorry, DH.)

And from a Catholic perspective… well, it should be obvious, shouldn’t it?  God has called us to love our neighbor and reminds us that we even need to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44-47).  Yes, it’s hard.  What do you expect from a man who said, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).  Take up your cross daily.  Not just on Sundays.  Not just when you feel like it.  Daily.

And so, one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to try to let go of some grudges.  They’ve been dragging me down long enough, and with my cholesterol I don’t need any more risk factors for a heart attack!  Every day, I’m going to try to pray for someone I have a grudge against. Even if it’s just a rushed Hail Mary before bed, it’s a start.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao-Tzu