Sponsoring

“Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’ And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’” – Matthew 25:37-40

One chilly evening in 2008, I went to Mass in an unfamiliar city.  I was out of town on business and the only way I’d get to Sunday Mass was to attend an evening Mass at my destination.  I worry a little when I have to attend Mass at different parish than the one I usually attend; mainly, I’m concerned about having to listen to some of this claptrap.  Little did I know that attending that Mass would change my life.

That weekend, a priest from the Christian Foundation for Children and Aging gave the homily.  He spoke about how CFCA had been founded by lay Catholics who wanted to make a difference and how CFCA improved the lives of children and elderly people all over the world.  He spoke of how CFCA didn’t merely provide handouts, they gave families a hand up – providing both education for the kids and job training for the parents.  Kids aren’t booted out of the program at a certain age; they can stay in until they graduate from college, trade school, or whatever their educational goal is.  And he pointed out that CFCA didn’t just help children, they helped elderly people too.  In developing countries, there’s no such thing as Social Security or Medicare, and the elderly often have to fend for themselves.

I thought about all the blessings I have and I thought about the verse above.  After I returned from my trip, I signed up to sponsor an elderly woman in India.  Indira* and I exchanged letters and over the next few months we became friends.  I wrote her about my job, my husband, and the snow at Christmas, and she wrote me about her children and grandchildren.

After about a year of sponsorship, I received a letter saying that Indira had passed away.  I miss her, but my sponsorship journey is far from over.  Along with the letter, I received a postcard from CFCA asking if I’d like to continue  my sponsorship and if so, return the card and check whether I’d like a child, a teenager, or an elderly person.  A few weeks later, I received information about my next sponsored elderly, Rajesh*.

A little over two years later, I’m still sponsoring Rajesh and I look forward to his letters greatly.  I didn’t stop with him, however; after I paid off my student loans, I picked up Margaret*,  a college student in the Philippines.  I love hearing about how Margaret is doing in school and what her brothers and sisters are doing. Rajesh is a gardener like me and I like hearing about all the things he grows. I’ve enjoyed sponsoring Margaret and Rajesh so much I recently added a 3rd sponsorship:  Darweshi*, a teenager in Kenya.

Reflecting on my CFCA experience, I knew that I would be a blessing to the people I sponsored, but I didn’t think they’d be such a blessing to me.  Rajesh, Margaret, and Darweshi aren’t just random people; they are a part of my family.  Getting a letter from one of them is the highlight of my week.  I pray for them and I know that they pray for me, and I hope that Indira is in heaven praying for all of us.  Becoming a sponsor is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made; if you experience it yourself, you’ll understand why.

“Love can build a bridge between your heart and mine.  Love can build a bridge, don’t you think it’s time?” – The Judds

*All names have been changed.

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. You know what I don’t get?  People who call their pets their “children with fur.”  Don’t get me wrong, I have pets, I love them,  and DH and I probably spoil them rotten.  They’re a part of the family, but they’re not our children.  We don’t have any children, and if we did, they wouldn’t have fur.  (If your actual children have fur, I humbly suggest you take them to the doctor.)

2.  I listened to The Pina Colada Song the other day and it occurred to me: today’s kids are not going to understand that song!  Think about it: all their music will be on MP3s, which never wear out, they’ll probably never read a newspaper and mail in a personal ad???  Forget it.

3.  I left something out of Tuesday’s post about responses to “when are you having kids” – responses to “You’re next!” You know, that comment people make when a lot of women in the crowd are pregnant and they’re just so sure that it’ll be your turn soon.  Most of them have no way of knowing that it will never, ever be your turn; they’re just trying to cheer you up.  I suppose this deserves its own post, since it’s a comment born out of genuine concern rather than nosiness.

4. It’s a little early, but has anyone thought about what they’re giving up for Lent?  I often think of a great idea for something to give up in July, and then by the time Ash Wednesday rolls around, I’ve forgotten it entirely.

5. Lent usually winds up being an EPIC FAIL for me, probably because my expectations are too high.  I somehow think that while I’m a wrathful, gluttonous sloth the rest of the year, during Lent I can suddenly become patient, temperate, and diligent.  Yeah… not so much.  As I’ve reminded myself before, saintliness is a project we undertake every day, not just when we feel like it (although Lent is a good time to start).

6. The unusually warm weather where I live has made me antsy for spring.  I keep thinking I need to get my seeds ordered and start planting, and then I remember that for the next six weeks or so, there’s a good possibility of a freeze, so it’s too soon to do anything outside.  (I never start seeds indoors because my cats would eat them.)

7.  Finally, how about a song to start off your weekend?   I give you “The Music Sound Better With You” by Stardust.

For more Quick Takes, go here!

My Responses to “Why Don’t You Have Kids?”

It seems like people are always asking me why I don’t have kids or when I’m having kids. Parents who may be reading this, take note: Every adult who does not have children, whether by choice or not, is sick of answering these questions.  Really sick of it.  Beyond sick of it.  If being sick of these questions were an actual sickness, half the childless adults in America would be in intensive care.  Parents, as much as you hate being asked if these kids are all yours, we hate “why don’t you have kids” more.  So parents, I’ll make you a deal:  I won’t make rude comments about the size of your family if you don’t ask rude questions about the size of mine.

I can’t stress this enough: stop asking these questions.  You may think you’re being funny or cute, but you are hurting people more than you can possibly imagine.

Anyway, on to the responses.  As tempted as some of you may be to burst into tears (I know I am sometimes), remember that’s only going to ruin your makeup, and the dolt responsible will probably have no idea what you’re so upset about.  Instead, try one of these:

1. “We’re waiting for a good sale.”  What, you mean that’s not what they sell at Babies R Us?

2. “It’s illegal to raise goats in the city limits.” Useful for both the when and why questions.  Or you could be like Donna at What if God Says No and raise some actual goats.  :)

3. “The cats wouldn’t tolerate any creature who’s cuter than they are.” Enough said.

4. “Well, we prayed for children for years… then one day it hit us: that’s not where they come from!”  It helps if you say that last part with a really bewildered expression on your face.

5. “Because God said so.”

6.  Let’s not forget the other question we all hate: “But don’t you want kids?”  I usually respond to this one with something that would be awesome but is probably never going to happen, such as “Don’t you want to win the lottery?”  Whatever you do, resist the urge to ask that person if they want a new brain or some manners.

7. If you have the ability to do so, consider sponsoring a child in a developing country.  (I highly recommend the Christian Foundation for Children and Aging.) They’ll send you a picture of your sponsored kid, which you can keep on your desk at work or wherever the annoying askers are and you can hold it up and say, “This is my child.”  My sponsored kids are all different ethnicities than I am, and when I use this tactic the expressions on people’s faces are priceless.  :)

If you’ve tried all of the above and they still won’t leave you alone, just tell them the truth.

8. “I don’t have kids, I’m never going to have kids and it’s none of your business.  The subject is closed.”  Then walk away, and feel free to cry, scream, or punch a hole in the wall when you get home.

If you have another good zinger, feel free to add it in the comments!

7 Quick Takes Friday

 

1.  The internet is in an uproar over SOPA and PIPA. The message to Congress is clear: they can screw up with whatever else they want, but mess with our LOLcats and they’re going down!!!

2.  On Wednesday, the day Wikipedia blacked out, #FactsWithoutWikipedia was a trending topic on Twitter.  I spent entirely too much time laughing at some of the tweets in this category.  A few personal favorites:

@corypina: On this day in 1738, while flying a kite in a storm, George Washington discovered the metric system.

@Bart_Mann: Justin Bieber is actually a 24-year old Ukranian gymnast named ‘Svetlana Bondarenko.’

@jbfunky: When running for President, William Howard Taft challenged Paula Deen to a butter eating contest.

3.  And that is probably the last time I’ll discuss politics on this blog.  Other people cover politics more eloquently than I ever could, so I’ll let them do their thing.  I’ll stick to spirituality, books, and the occasional snappy comeback.

4.  Speaking of snappy comebacks, this was originally going to be a post about snappy answers to the “why don’t you have kids” question.  Unfortunately, I got bogged down at work yesterday and didn’t have time to write anything good (so if this post seems rushed, it kind of was).

5. Being bogged down at work also meant I was unable to reply snappily to that question in real life.  Usually, I try to deflect with something flippant, but yesterday I was in a bad mood and just snarled, “Mind your own business!!!”  I’ve really got to do something about my stress level.

6. And that probably means I need to get to daily Mass more often.  In a way, it’s like going to the gym: the hardest part is actually hauling my rear end off the couch to go.  Once I arrive at Mass or the gym, I’m glad I’m there and it’s a worthwhile experience.  On my way home, I’m glad I went.  Prying myself away from whatever else I’m doing to get in the car and go is the most difficult part, and too often, the couch’s siren song wins.

7.  On a happy note, I can’t wait for spring.  Seed catalogs have started arriving and I’m drooling at the thought of my potential harvest.  Now if only I could decide what to actually buy!  It all looks so good, but I only have so much space…

To see more Quick Takes, go here!

Chopped Liver

“Her husband Elkanah used to ask her: ‘Hannah, why do you weep, and why do you refuse to eat? Why do you grieve? Am I not more to you than ten sons?’” 1 Samuel 1:8

I’m sure most of the childless women reading this (myself included) got a little annoyed with Elkanah when we read that.  Hannah is one of Elkanah’s two wives, the other of whom is a real Fertile Myrtle and has bullied the infertile Hannah for years.  Hannah is, understandably, at her wit’s end, and Elkanah just. Doesn’t. Get It!

And then I read this verse last Monday (I try to read the Mass readings every day, even if I can’t go to daily Mass) and it hit me: yes, Elkanah doesn’t get Hannah. At the same time, Hannah doesn’t get Elkanah.  He loves her, kids or no kids; doesn’t that mean anything?  Shouldn’t she be glad to have love in her life?

My DH could probably relate to Elkanah.  ”So what if we don’t have any kids?  We’re still a family.  What am I, chopped liver?”

I grudgingly admit that Elkanah and my DH have a point.  Right now, it seems like all the women I know are either having babies or getting divorced.  As sad as I am that I’m not doing the former, I am grateful beyond words that I am not doing the latter!  A loving, stable marriage should be more important than ten children; for one thing, it would probably be easier to have and raise ten children in the context of a loving, stable marriage.  For another, whether a couple has one child or ten, eventually they’ll all grow up and move out, leaving husband and wife alone again.  Too many couples reach the empty nest stage and realize that the only thing they had in common was their children, and with the children gone, they have no reason to stay together.  You know what that is?  Sad.

Today, as every day, I try to put DH first.  I pray that all of you do the same.  A marriage is a foundation for life; let’s keep our foundations from turning to sand.

PMS and Grace

Well, it’s been an interesting weekend.  Saturday night, DH and I were headed to a party and inspired by Old Hollywood, on Saturday morning I decided to try pin curls in my hair for the first time. After running my errands, I exercised, showered, then pinned up my hair.  One hour before the party, I unpinned my hair.

What I got was Old Hollywood, all right, but it was definitely more Harpo Marx than Veronica Lake.  I frantically tried to salvage it – tried combing it with a few different combs, tried pinning back some of the more unruly pieces with bobby pins.  DH, ever helpful, gently pointed out that I still resembled Rowlf the Dog.

At that point, I angrily hauled out my flatiron and smoothed out the misbegotten curls as best I could, all the while throwing a hissy fit about how my hair is never going to look good.  I got over my little meltdown before the party and we all had a good time, but it was not a fun start to the evening.

Then Sunday morning I went to Mass, and to my chagrin, I got stuck with the family Mass.  (I live in a college town and Mass schedules change when the university isn’t in session.)  It seemed that every toddler in town was there and determined to make noise and the 12-year-old kid next to me wouldn’t stop fidgeting and flapping her hands. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and I became convinced that it was all part of a government conspiracy against me.

During the Liturgy of the Eucharist, I prayed for patience.  I was tired, I was annoyed with everyone and everything and angry at myself for being annoyed and I wanted just a little bit of grace before my raging hormones caused me to wreck the rest of the weekend.

“Ask and you shall receive.” – Matthew 7:7

A few minutes later I remembered a book I read about a year ago: Boy Alone by Karl Taro Greenfield, a memoir of growing up with an autistic brother.  Something about the hand-flapping kid next to me reminded me of Greenfield’s descriptions of his brother’s behavior, and a light went on in my head: of course, she’s autistic.  And suddenly, it became a lot easier to be patient with her.  I received Communion today and felt like I’d been given a month’s worth of grace.

Sometimes, God gives us so much more than we ask for.

7 Quick Takes Friday – Book Recommendations

1. Witness to Hope: The Biography of Pope John Paul II by George Weigel.  Weighty tome on the life of my favorite pope.  If you’re like me and remember his papacy fondly, this is a long (886 pages!) but worthwhile read.
2. Escape by Carolyn Jessop and Laura Palmer.  I like harrowing tales, and being born into the Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saints, being forced to marry the father of the mean girls from your high school, compete with 4 other wives for your husband’s money and attention, have a special needs child, nearly die giving birth to baby #8, and then take off in the middle of the night with all 8 kids to escape the cult? That’s pretty harrowing.  FLDS life is a good example of what happens when men stop respecting the dignity of women.
3. The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht. On a more light-hearted note, this book has a lot of advice on how to survive, well, the worst case.  In addition to instructions for surviving an elephant stampede and crossing a piranha-infested river, it also contains advice on everyday scenarios like how to sneak out of a meeting and how to hide things from one’s college roommate.
4. The Kitchen Gardener’s Handbook by Jennifer R. Bartley.   Right now, it’s far too cold for me to do any actual gardening.  Reading books like this helps me plan for the start of spring, which is hopefully not too far off!  The book is structured around the 4 seasons, with pictures, recipes, and gardening chores related to the time of year.  For example, in the Summer chapter you’ll find a lot of recipes for tomatoes and peppers and in Winter, lots of advice on cold-frames and root cellars.
5. The Vegetable Gardener’s Bible by Edward C. Smith.  Much longer than #4, with a lot of detailed advice for newbie gardeners.  It covers everything from how to dig a bed to how to deal with common pests and has information specific to each vegetable.  Absolute must-have!
6. He Leadeth Me by Fr. Walter Cizek.  Did I mention that I like harrowing tales?  Fr. Cizek was a priest in Poland at the start of World War II, traveled to Russia to minister to the people there, then was arrested and sent first to prison and then to a Siberian gulag.  Through it all, he managed to see God in the situation and discern God’s will.
7. Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson.  Yes, everybody else is reading this book.  And no, I’m not quite finished with it yet.  But it’s still very good and Steve Jobs was still a fascinating (if exasperating) guy.  Read it!

Love

“If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” – 1 John 4:20

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start.” – Mother Teresa

These quotes embody the part of being a good Catholic that I struggle most with.  Sure, I love my neighbor!  I give to charity both locally and globally.  And I’m nice to the people I work with and the people in my neighborhood.

Unless, of course, I have a reason to hold a grudge against them. If grudge-holding were an Olympic sport, I’d have every gold medal and set every world record!  I’d be on the covers of Sports Illustrated and Time Magazine for my incredible grudge-holding skill. I am the Michael Phelps of grudge-holding.

And that’s not healthy.

From a secular perspective, holding a grudge and staying angry increases your blood pressure and raises your stress level. Over time, this can cause heart disease.  It can also make you extremely unpleasant to deal with, even for the people you don’t have a grudge against.  Perhaps especially for them, since they’re the ones who have to listen to you complain all the time.  (Sorry, DH.)

And from a Catholic perspective… well, it should be obvious, shouldn’t it?  God has called us to love our neighbor and reminds us that we even need to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44-47).  Yes, it’s hard.  What do you expect from a man who said, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).  Take up your cross daily.  Not just on Sundays.  Not just when you feel like it.  Daily.

And so, one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to try to let go of some grudges.  They’ve been dragging me down long enough, and with my cholesterol I don’t need any more risk factors for a heart attack!  Every day, I’m going to try to pray for someone I have a grudge against. Even if it’s just a rushed Hail Mary before bed, it’s a start.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao-Tzu

This is not the blog you’re looking for…

Hi, I’m Mary.  I grew up idolizing my grandmother, who married young and had lots of children.  Like my grandmother, I married relatively young, but unlike her, after a few years of marriage it became clear that I wouldn’t be having any children at all.  There is both good and bad in this situation; I try to stay focused on the good.

I’m a Catholic woman with no kids… but if you want to read about struggles with infertility, this is not the blog you’re looking for.  When I write about that, it often turns into a pity party.  I don’t enjoy throwing pity parties and you probably don’t want to attend one.

I guess you could say that I’m a career woman… but if you want to read about my career, this is not the blog you’re looking for.  My career is fulfilling, my calling from God and  wonderful in a lot of ways, but like any job it can be frustrating and boring at times.  I find that I’m a much happier person if I leave work at work and don’t dwell on it at home.

If, on the other hand, you want to read about saints, prayer, books, and the occasional snappy comeback, this is the blog you’re looking for.  Welcome.  Let’s walk with the Lord.